Supporting your parents
Here you’ll find practical, judgement-free advice for adults helping a parent navigate later-life decisions starting from first signs of change to ongoing care.
Why this is hard
Most adult children don’t get a clear “start here” moment. It’s usually a string of small things. It could be a missed bill, a fall, a fridge full of out-of-date food. These are things that slowly add up to “something needs to change.” This guide is for that slow-build stage, not just emergencies.
Where do you start
1. Notice the early signs, gently Changes in mobility, memory, money management, or home upkeep are often the first signals. You don’t need a diagnosis to start a conversation, merely an observation: “I noticed X, how are you finding things lately?”
2. Have the conversation before you need to The earlier you talk about money, care preferences and future wishes, the more say your parent has in decisions that affect them. Waiting for a crisis usually means decisions get made for them, not with them.
3. Understand the legal basics If your parent hasn’t set up a Lasting Power of Attorney, this is the single most useful thing to sort while they’re still able to make the decision themselves. Once capacity is lost, you’d need to apply to the Court of Protection instead — a slower, costlier process.
4. Know the care landscape In the UK, social care isn’t automatically funded by the NHS the way medical care is. A council needs assessment (via your local authority) is usually the starting point if support at home or residential care becomes necessary.
5. Look after yourself too Carer burnout is real and common. Carers UK and your Local Council’s Carers’ Service can offer support, respite options, and sometimes a Carer’s Assessment in its own right.
Quick Checklist
Make sure you have:-
- Had an honest conversation about their wishes and finances
- Checked whether they have an LPA in place
- Know who their GP is and have permission to speak to them, if needed
- Aware of local authority needs assessment process
- Identified what support exists for you as a carer
Difficult conversations
Getting older is a natural but having conversations about ageing are not easy. These things can get put off and forgotten about. Age UK provide handy guidance to help get those conversations started.
What to do next
If they don’t yet have an LPA, read Power of Attorney Explained. If you’re starting to gather their key documents, use the Life Folder Checklist.